good Easter

Blessed to be alive and kicking this good Easter pre sunrise! the light returns. the crucifixtion and death gets filtered from my reading of Dante remembered this song which reminds me of the zeitgeist in a transforming epiphany moment.. so Tibetan Buddhist. played 26years ago April 30, 1988 in the Burgess dj set at the Last Party, the Saint. finding the meaningful is always just being open to it. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2-KGiwGn1d8

Breaking Bad on Saint Michaelmas

Happy Saint Michaelmas! I could write the history of America at this juncture in my life. The life of my Mom and Dad, and family. Certainly no Breaking Bad story although our family did have its Rocky Mountain span but we lived in more diverse worlds over time. 

Never saw "Breaking Bad" until this weekend.  I doubt the current erudite show about the breakup of white privilege is all that ultimately although it is about white people talking among themselves as usual. The world has already changed.  Much of White America may mostly vote Republican. Christian zionists are busy formenting hate in Africa now Russia. Tel Aviv may be the most exciting city on the planet at the moment, but Israel is a lost cause until the right wingers die out. Sheikha Moza has probably one of the most dynamic faces of humanitarianism today. White liberals still lament what would Hillary do, but Valerie Jarrett the senior aide to our President Obama got the social workers into the White House. There are parallel Americas. 

watching BreakingBad.. spinning as the most wonderful show ever written and produced on tv. Did not think so and def know now that it is not. Alb,NM as another Anglo version of America. My Newark neighbors all had no comment but that it is a show making money and is particularly liked in the Midwest and Southwest. In short, Skylar is no Carmela. I remember when my parents moved from Colorado to NJ and hearing that the worse ethnic group in America were Italians.  We had moved from Chicago to Colorado, so my Mom/Dad had no comment and my Mom never really liked Colorado.  Breaking Bad as the latest cultural  commodity spun as the "best.", Def no Sopranos.

In watching the usual dramatic violence, I thought of "Kill everyone now!"  a statement from another time and by the brilliant star, http://www.divinemovie.com/. That was revolutionary drama in the 1970s.

This Saint Michaelmas 2013, I think of other lenses of America, like "Razor's Edge" (1945) with Tyrone Power, a cousin of my Mom. The book on my parents' bookshelf.  I like the NAACP post today to remind people of the amazing real Walter Francis White, now that is a story I care about. My Mom and a sister dead today, my Dad is almost 87 years, "Breaking Bad" never was to them. In the sweep of our lives, I think BB was interesting but mostly a vapid rehash of perceived loss of white privilege trying to make sense of their illusions.  

A story of my family could also include the fact that I first heard of "Breaking Bad" from my 70something year Uncle. He was enthralled from the beginning. On his recommend, I watched an epiode but was bored. My Uncle has generally had singular tastes in the family such as living in Cali and his favorite Aunt. I had no clue he was part of the fiercely devoted au courant fan base of the show. 

Best Saint Michaelmas 2013 and the harvest of visions.

mid july thoughts

perfect swim day! hoy hablando con mi vecinos, comiendo comida Espanol, cada dia un nueva experiencia en la playa Newark! Soy allegro con este Juli! Today the muscle guys were grabbing at me.. damn this one-legged guy had the grip of a super wrench! I am oft the big guy but he could have just tossed me the length of da pool!

2011 Santa Barbara 19 July; Santa Dominga 20 July; Newark pastels. #34, #35. my Yoruba African priest neighbor is moving.. one of da best neighbors for 11 years+. Not the African deities invoked but somehow my fast drawings took on images/faces of Chango et Obtala.

the basketball tourney is playing excellent Michael Jackson music pre-game and breaks tonight! Damn nothing like music in da hood these hot sweaty nights!

dating age, "not fat enough",,,

love happens between men of varying ages everyday. love happens at any age! thoughts of a couple of guys in their 50s now celebrating a year together! another couple, met in their 40s, now having their 15th year! Mazel tov!!!!

As a college professor (research, psychiatric content), Columbia U alum/teaching, 54 years old, and as a NYC/NJ denizen, I run into younger men everyday. it is interesting to realize the crushes younger men have on me as I am easy to confide in. My issue with younger men is that it is all too easy to manipulate the seductiveness. There is a power differential that I don't exploit, so I do not get involved with men much younger than 30 years (of course there could be one in 10 million...). Anyhow, 20 somethings always zone out... poor things having to deal with creating an adult identity! There is also the generational zeitgeist... I was definitely part of mine!

Photo of one of my grandfather buddies! Salut to grandfathers!!!

My whole issue now is how to respond to men in their 70s who routinely send me shouts online! Younger men are a breeze to deal with but as we live longer ... dating men in their 70s? I look to see life views (no republicans of course), some geographic nogos.. I have no interest in Florida, Georgia, Texas...too republican and HUMID! I look for a joy of life! Some of the sexiest men I have chatted with online are studs in their late 60s!

all of these age issues are in constant flux of course. All of a sudden, I am over 50 which is in itself a whole other lens changer. Being over 50 years, I feel I have achieved longevity and not too concerned with so many of the usual stuff younger men are caught up in. I wear what I want, express my thoughts with a historical and intellectual certainty just from the experiential awareness of how society has changed. I may use a cane at times, but i was a go-go boy, never had to wait in line to get into a club, had radio shows, had my black chaps/white 501 attire that made me fierce! I have had an adult identity for 30 years! There is a whole gap that I feel ultimately with guys 20 or 30 years younger than me. I dont have that for men older than me. I generally find most of the men I like older than me are in long term relationships and I am ultimately not interested in just a casual sex thing.

I have been in love but i am also a survivor of the AIDS plague. Everyone of my buddies from the 1970s and most of my contemporaries from the 1980s died before the advent of the new meds in the 1990s. So I am just amazed that I am HIV negative and living with the memories of over 3000 buddies. My favorite men all died. I have never been entirely single, having a partner or then a regular date(s) my entire adult life.

I am a NYC flaneur so I dont stay home with a pet, my tv is broken, and I like being out of the house to socialize. I have always been involved in what's up at the time. In the 1970s, I was in NY, SF, Provincetown, a gogo boy (background dancer in jeans on a cable show) and part of the whole gay revolution. Into the 1980s, I was a Saint/Garage/Palladium club goer; then spent most of my free time in Berlin, Amsterdam, Zurich and Paris as I had the friends to visit and money to travel often. in the 1990s, I was so involved in NYC life... working with the homeless, people with AIDS; and in my personal life, somedays up to 15 men would phone me in a day to hang. There are so many men but I have been content (sometimes to my detriment) to be fairly serial monogamous. It is in the last few years time to mostly teach/read/think. the realization that there is always another man (in the elevator, around the corner...) when I hear "too old" "or too young" or "not Black" or "not enough money for me", or "not fat enough". And that is what I generally tell men of every age, color, size who complain about rejection.

I am alive, engaged, and enjoying life's adventures! My favorite friends who changed our universe are all dead, young. Young men have a seductiveness but I have seen thousands burn out, go Republican, get wierd. These days I am beyond thrilled that we have a President Obama who has already given gays a lot! If I was 10 years younger I would be applying for a White House job (I did apply to the Clinton White House). So, if someone doesnt want to know about me.. who cares! I have a life is my mantra! Loving the challenges as I do get older and my perspectives change about dating, age, life!

hugs, peace, compassion