remembering Dad, bonding anew All Saints/All Souls

with the oncoming death of our Dad I found myself reading Dante again.. the wonderful passage into a world beyond the living.. with the passing our Dad now the prayers I say for him and these days the feasts of All Saints and All Souls. http://www.catholic.org/saints/allsouls/

so thankful I could visit the grave of our Mom and think of Dad and our sister this All Saints/All Souls. http://ncronline.org/blogs/francis-chronicles/all-saints-all-souls-feasts-are-time-renew-hope-pope-says

in the course of our lives, the bonding moments.. today motoring with my neighbor and brother to the town where my Dad, Mom and sister, now all dead lived. Absolutely gorgeous colors and blue skies after a brief tornado-ish wind storming getting out of Newark. Visited the gravesite of our Mom, gorgeous tombstone but alone sans flowers.. no one left to leave them now but for occasional visitors. It is akin to her family heimat in Chicago, a dynasty diasporied. Just two weeks ago the three of us went to see Dad in the hospice. an incredible now revisiting our pasts and moving into tomorrows. thank you universe for these moments. — going to Newton NJ

a friend emailed the time of this reality.. "I got your message and you are more than welcome.  Please enjoy!   This is a tough time for you and your family and the loss was profound.  You have an arduous task ahead as you go through your father's belongings and render keep sakes.  Blessings and we will speak soon."

Goodbye Dad.. RIP as I pray and will always love ya

RIP for my/our Dad this morning. He died at 4am, at age 86. A brother and I visited on Friday at the hospice. He had a strong will and it was a long goodbye with his Alzheimer's. My sympathy and love for us siblings, family, caregivers and friends

http://www.legacy.com/obituaries/dailyrecord/obituary.aspx?n=robert-f-wright&pid=167699426&fhid=8694

Our Dad died on 21 October which is the feast day for the relatively obscure Saint Viator. My Mom's paternal family literally built that parish.. donated stained glass, parish councils, an Aunt and an Uncle worked at the church. My parents were married at Saint Viator's in August, 1953.. 60 years ago. http://www.catholic.org/saints/saint.php?saint_id=246 — at Saint Viator Roman Catholic Church

Good morning 22 October. Thanks for the sympathies.. it means a lot. I didnt sleep well; a brother phoned as he is fighting with everyone where he lives; I know it must be devastatingly final for some of my sisters. We will always love our Dad and thank him for doing the best he could. A tough time. My neighbors are kind.. chats, especially with one of the fathers whose 2 boys were born in Park Ridge, IL. We have had so many chats about Park Ridge in the basement cafe in Newark, NJ. Watched Palm Springs videos and got bored, so... dunno.. back to carpe diem! thanks and hugs to all

In the last year of our Dad, we went from 9 chldren to 8 after the death of our sister Mary. Mary pretty much became the center of the family and outreached to all of us siblings. After her death in August, 2012, our Dad began a pronounced decline. My sister died after a long illness but David Sedaris has a poignant story of his family. So many similiarities! Love the story!http://www.newyorker.com/reporting/2013/10/28/131028fa_fact_sedaris?utm_source=tny&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=weeklyemail&mbid=nl_Weekly+%2860%29

Judith Butler is brilliant on the nuances of Benjamin.. the messianic qua revolutionary spark crystallized when oppressed history breaks out of the banal normal of history. Thunderclap Newman 1969.. the revolution is here and we/i believed it was.. we knew it was right to blast out and get it together now, jetzt! Thanksgiving 2011 at Occupy Newark.. another zeitgeist when what we were doing was right in a moment of pregnant messianic possibility! In a small way, being with my brother and Dad in the hospice, an awareness of DAD's lifespan, crystallization of death, and the reality of jetzt in life. I was there in the messianic but....


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dtRwOkGV-B4

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VK_6TU1T7V8

A beautiful sympathy card from some of my neighbors, given to me. Over the past year I had frequently talked about having my Dad visit with me here.. the elevator, store, transit, ease of being here. He would have enjoyed the attention here. I am touched by the kindness and remembering, Thanks so much.

Breaking Bad on Saint Michaelmas

Happy Saint Michaelmas! I could write the history of America at this juncture in my life. The life of my Mom and Dad, and family. Certainly no Breaking Bad story although our family did have its Rocky Mountain span but we lived in more diverse worlds over time. 

Never saw "Breaking Bad" until this weekend.  I doubt the current erudite show about the breakup of white privilege is all that ultimately although it is about white people talking among themselves as usual. The world has already changed.  Much of White America may mostly vote Republican. Christian zionists are busy formenting hate in Africa now Russia. Tel Aviv may be the most exciting city on the planet at the moment, but Israel is a lost cause until the right wingers die out. Sheikha Moza has probably one of the most dynamic faces of humanitarianism today. White liberals still lament what would Hillary do, but Valerie Jarrett the senior aide to our President Obama got the social workers into the White House. There are parallel Americas. 

watching BreakingBad.. spinning as the most wonderful show ever written and produced on tv. Did not think so and def know now that it is not. Alb,NM as another Anglo version of America. My Newark neighbors all had no comment but that it is a show making money and is particularly liked in the Midwest and Southwest. In short, Skylar is no Carmela. I remember when my parents moved from Colorado to NJ and hearing that the worse ethnic group in America were Italians.  We had moved from Chicago to Colorado, so my Mom/Dad had no comment and my Mom never really liked Colorado.  Breaking Bad as the latest cultural  commodity spun as the "best.", Def no Sopranos.

In watching the usual dramatic violence, I thought of "Kill everyone now!"  a statement from another time and by the brilliant star, http://www.divinemovie.com/. That was revolutionary drama in the 1970s.

This Saint Michaelmas 2013, I think of other lenses of America, like "Razor's Edge" (1945) with Tyrone Power, a cousin of my Mom. The book on my parents' bookshelf.  I like the NAACP post today to remind people of the amazing real Walter Francis White, now that is a story I care about. My Mom and a sister dead today, my Dad is almost 87 years, "Breaking Bad" never was to them. In the sweep of our lives, I think BB was interesting but mostly a vapid rehash of perceived loss of white privilege trying to make sense of their illusions.  

A story of my family could also include the fact that I first heard of "Breaking Bad" from my 70something year Uncle. He was enthralled from the beginning. On his recommend, I watched an epiode but was bored. My Uncle has generally had singular tastes in the family such as living in Cali and his favorite Aunt. I had no clue he was part of the fiercely devoted au courant fan base of the show. 

Best Saint Michaelmas 2013 and the harvest of visions.

50something jahre birthday 2 October 2012

The highlight of my 2011 birthday is probably my phone convo with Dad (who will be age 85 in December)! Talking, I thought whoa I have a whole lifetime until I reach his age. I have my history, his, as well as ideas on the future! Dad and I chatted about him being my age today! He was thinking of retirement and of course living with his wife, my Mom. He has survived her almost 5 years now! He is alert, asked me good questions, sounds great!

A sister cellphoned me from their lunch on her visit to him in rural NJ. thank you! I am grateful to the universe to hear Dad tell me he loves me, the first of his nine children. Photo of him holding me some 50something years ago!

Before the WTC 9/11 days

For most of my life 9/11 is the day my maternal grandfather died in 1965 at only age 61 (b.1904), in Chicago IL. The wonders of modern medicine would have kept him alive today, but he died of complications from a stroke in the 1950s. I remember circumstances around his death such as the funeral home, relatives. He is here with his daughter, my Mom on her wedding day in 1952. My grandfather was a pipefitter, yet he was dead before the WTC. I dunno know if he ever got to New York City in his life. My grandmother stayed in their apartment at 5225 West LeMoyne, Chicago. They had moved there on their return from California in 1963 or 64 until about 1984, when she became ill. For many years I have a recurring dream wandering around their neighborhood. However, I looked at photos online of the building and neighborhood today. The photos bear no resemblance to my dream images. The images seem more akin to the area of my Mom's maternal grandmother.. Addison and Kedvale, Chicago. Memories. RIP and always love for you!

"Queen Mary" and "Princess of Canada" 1950s cruise story

Happy Birthday to my Aunt Agnes, born September 3, deceased in the 1980s. The photo of her and my Uncle Ed on the "Empress of Canada" in the 1950s. An amazing ocean liner from what I have read online. Have to investigate more and add!! I also posted the passenger list of a Cunard trip they sailed.

The ship was originally named Empress of Japan but renamed upon WW2.

The Queen Mary first class passenger list is amazing social history. All the Mr and Mrs with no female name. Master this and that young guy. Mrs. x with maid. The Sirs, Ladyships, Lordships.

RIP the loved Aunt Agnes (and Uncle Ed). They lived at 2 Fifth Avenue, NYC, during the time of their cruises. My Mom spent most of her childhood summers staying with them, mostly on the UES when they lived off 5th in the East 80s.

My sense is that the Empress cruise took place after my Uncle retired in the spring of 1954, so probably 1954-58. In 1958, they sailed on the Queen Mary. 1958 was a big year as my GreatGrandMother died. And, my aunt/uncle donated the construction of Owens Hall, Our Lady of the Woods College, outside Terre Haute, Indiana. His sister was the Mother Superior.

Sent photos to my Uncle in Southern California (The last living brother of my deceased Mom). He and my Aunt go on at least a cruise a year. Waiting to hear his reaction to the photos.

Happy Birthday Marilyn!

Always remember 3 birthdays: Marilyn, the birthday of my favorite Aunt Marge, and one of my former Newark now in da Bronx neighbors!

1958 photo: left to right: my Dad and Mom, Uncle Gill.. Aunt Marge... Uncle Ed. Some celebratory event.. in the Boulevard Room, Chicago Hilton.

Love that my aunt shares the birthday of Marilyn Monroe! My aunt was a stylish lady. I think a bit of a polyamorous one as well as there were always a few men around!

My Aunt doted on me.. def a perfect Aunt. Bringing me for ice cream in Park Ridge, IL, or out to eat somewheres. A high school buddy reminds me that I stayed in her house when I had mono. Memorial Day always a reminder of her as my siblings and I would sit on her porch to watch a parade go by in NorthWest Chicago near to Park Ridge. Always miss my Aunt who died young, age 56, in 1975.

Black Madonna et faux AfroSwiss

Long chat with one of my almost 30jahre of friendship buddies about her experience in Poland being called the "Black Madonna", her hand stroked, people even bowed! Her visit was during the "cold war" on one of those junkets organized to get Western currency. She went to an international social work conference and then on to the tour junket. Visiting one of the Black Madonna shrines, she encountered many who obviously never met a person of color, or a "Western" person of color. The simplicity of real feelings and simple respect! Great story, and of course in my mind, she is a Black Madonna. She furthermore related the story at a nonprofit board meeting. Most of the members were bewildered having little understanding of the nuances of race, class, geography. The apartheid of class what with a board being primarily very wealthy "white people" helping the poor, primarily working class people of color. The dynamics of high/low... but I say "God Bless Obama" for changing some of the lenses!

Interesting history of the Black Madonnas in Europe. Often destinations for pilgrimages due to histories of "miracles" around the statue/painting. One of the most interesting in Bavaria where the heart of King Ludwig kept. And, the Black Madonna of Croatia!

In April, 1987, travelled in Western Europe with a NYC buddy. In Zurich, on the quai alongside the ZurichSee, an entertainer stopped him, delighting in his being an African American. My buddy delighted in his celebrity at times being an African American in Switzerland and Germany. The simple exchanges of interactions in other locales! A big event in his life being outside the subway universe many of us only traverse for years! Great cross-cultural stories! It was fascinating to watch people interact with him!

Reminder also of how one never really knows how another processes their interpretation of who one is, what one is saying. A similiar notion of how people present who they want others to think they are albeit the reality may be very different. But mostly, the reality that one can change the lenses and be seen and survive in a very positive light. of course, that is the story of American Babylons such as NYC, Los Angeles, Chicago! In more high/low, Madonna uses religious imagery such as in the probably Martin de Porres to comfort her in a video. Reality.. loved seeing Cocteau's La Belle et la bete again! toujours la belle!

Monday, a new, short semester. Happy to have had the story of my friend's experience in Poland whilst thinking of how I will start a new semester. Once again, the importance of my reminding students that they are a distinct minority in actually getting a college degree from an accredited college. Jobs, whatever may come and go, but no one will phone and ask for one's diploma back. Research can be a stress for many students but I remind them that everyone else in their degree area finished and they are no different! It is about changing the lenses so that one can process how much is known research but thinking out of the scientific method, or just critical thinking is not always developed! It is part of the responsibility of being an educated person!

thanks again to the universe for my Black Madonna buddy, and that first Euro tour with a NYC buddy!

hugs, peace, compassion

Boum por 27 Mars 2009

I felt "Boum" all day... in the low 60s here in "la route NYC enchantee". Played Charles Trenet (1938). Worked on photo montages and other collages. Wondering who the people in this old photo could be. Those who may know are mostly passed on. Could be a maternal great grandfather. I assume taken in Chicago. This great grandfather died in January, 1928. He had 11 children, 4 of whom died within 2 years of birth. My great grandmother was my Mom's favorite and the matriarch for that family. The photo among those in my Mom's collection.

Back to work on Monday after 3 months off. Dunno that I accomplished what I wanted but I think I will have more perspective on that when I get back to teaching Monday. Teaching Ethics and teaching Methods of Research again. Look forward to the class discussions in Ethics and to the student group projects in Research. Back to the NYC walk abouts.. perfect time to be back in the mix. Thankfully missed standing in our long bitter cold winter!

Salut la primavera!
Boum

happy new Year 2009!!

grutzli aus Newark/NYC!!! happy to be in another year! adding on the years!
new year's eve was soooooooo cold.. and a snow flurry... so I rushed home and stayed under the blankets! watched Times Square online! loved hearing Daft Punk music playing to the thousands.. what a joyous event! The daughter of Brooklyn buddies braved the cold but they got caught in the security maze in the Deuce... i loved going there in my 20 years!
a bit of a health relapse.. party due to dehydration.. living in the hood it is so hard to get nutritous food. I ordered Dominican and threw away the pollo and even the maduras! ugh! got sick from the usual fried food over the weekend as well. anyhow went to the supermarket.. made great cabbage soup, yoghurt et museli, vegetables, salmon, low fat, low sodium, healthy foods.
went al campo to see my brother. happy to share thoughts with him.. especially my scatteredness. i really have cognitive problems since I was in the hospital. I spend a lot of time just meditating to deal with my stress. I will see the doctor on Friday. at least I have more of an understanding of my health issues after the week in the hospital. I passed the house of my sister with cancer and the house seemd to be surrounded by angels, from the bus at least. She is on big time chemo, doesnt respond to emails, calls, etal. But she has her live in boyfriend and other siblings of mine visit her. I just pray for her!
Stopped by my church in Dover to sit at the picnic table but it is now gone. I went to the latin american restaurant and the workers were so rude to me. LOL.. LOL... times have changed. I havent made that trip in a year. My Mom is now dead 2 years. Another era! I still send out my YouTube video on my Mom. Sent the flyer to the Bishop I know, to one of the NY Times owners, in response to letters i have received. I send it to everyone as I will always be proud of my Mom listening, befriending and advocating people with mental illness, those others often run away from. Plus, I think my Mom got so tired of her children's dramas sometimes.. it was easier to listen to strangers with real problems! our Mom of 9 made us proud!
still sending out presents. sent photos of Our lady of Guadalupe to my sister.. born on that feast day! She wants me to sell the photos.. maybe...
the mail brought a framed photo of me and a friend for 32 years from an elected official buddy in NYC. what a shock! She has so many friends on Facebook! I joke with her husband who has none! Facebook friends.... anyhow.. i always love her. i was reading my party book from the 1980s and 1990s in Chelsea. I had an apartment and held many parties. Just read some of her thoughts in my book from parties over the years. lastly, a card in 2000 reminding me not to forget NYC ! I certainly cannot but I cannot afford to live there.
emailed my friends in Zurich... sent them a cutOut holiday card.. I think they thought I may have lost it.. so emailed them to tell them I was in the hospital if I seem strange.
I am so sick of being ill. Nothing has worked but I am still here. it is just sticking to healthy living.. being mindful. I didnt realize how sick I was.
dunno my teaching schedule yet. thinking of finding some clients to do some life coaching etal. i certainly have been doing that for over 20 years with students, clients, etal. We will see what transpires.
I think about what stories to write all the time but I dunno if anyone really cares. of course, my friend Muriel the dean, and all my students tell me they would read my stories. But, I can give lectures but havent found my voice.
Muriel and I talked about a common friend and how I should pitch her to visit the nuns in Indiana, the college relatives of mine benefacted, and an Aunt was the Mother Superior. Our friends needs a rest and it could be there. She sews, loves herbs, horses... I will make a pitch to her.
Thoughts of my high school buddy in Colorado and his perceptions and his relationship with my estranged father. I was going to send Randy my father's address, but my father is so unpredictable and can be quite vicious. So many nuances in the narratives but I just dunno.
I meditate and think of my true will... my purpose in life. I know teaching has been one but I am overdosed and too broke from this gig.
My motto always is one door closes another opens, so I look forward to the opportunities. Just wish I was not crippled over, in pain so often, and could focus more.
big hugs, compassion, peace
photo Dover, NJ

Viva Obama

Wow! Viva Obama! We won! so thrilled to vote for the first President that I really supported! My first vote was in 1972 Colorado for McGovern. I may have been excited but mostly by the first ability of 18 year olds to vote! So many reasons for my support of Obama. I like the latest idea out there, the "white grandmother effect". A romantic idea. Anyhow, I usually like grandmothers of any background, and loved my own! (love the gospel song, A grandmother who prayed for me!) In reality, I like Obama's style and ideas. As a fellow Columbia grad, I understand his motivation and commitments. I also did community organizing in NYC in the 1980s and understand the importance of engagement and change. So many identifications. Newark, NJ, via CCTV, voters in my building 4 Nov 08

In the days following his win, I applaud his appointment of Rahm Emanuel! Bravo to the 70%+ Jewish vote for Obama, but I also sense President elect Obama will bridge and educate about Israel and Palestine! I have Chicago family roots and admire the tenacity of Emanuel and those Chicago Democrats. My Mother (a Park Ridge, IL mom) was the first person to tell me how good Obama is! President elect Obama will need tenacious advocates like Emanuel. Of course, I worry about how our economic crisis will be handled. I so like reading George Soros, and applaud Obama appointing Warren Buffet to his team. As a former Citibank person, I am emailing a former colleague, now a senior executive to get her opinion, and hope she is helpful. President elect Obama needs all the help he can get.

In all, I just feel so happy and do not really have a critical perspective on his election and the road to the Presidency yet. After the election, wore my button, talked with my college students about the history and the advent of change. Endless talk with my neighbors and friends. My buddies in SF and Colorado spoke with me election night, Bravo Obama! I appreciate hearing the comments by so many of my African American neighbors of their pride in his achievement, and in fact, all of ours. My friends in Zurich emailed me with excitement! Relishing the zeitgeist!

The only downside is the loss of Prop8, marrige equality in CA. My sense is that this is still a new issue and it is being processed. I find in teaching issues about gays/lesbians etal, that my college students have seldom had much opportunity to openly discuss such issues. The media may have entertainment images but they are often of the rich white gay man, not the reality in fact. This semester I teach Ethics and the Family which has allowed the opportunity for the class to discuss issues about gay/lesbian families. Fascinating narratives as ever.

I am saddened by the uproar about Prop8 and African Americans. I dunno the outreach to all communities by no on 8 organizers but perhaps not enough done in all communities. I question the CNN methodology of 70% AfAm supporters. In short, African American supporters contributed but not the tipping point. On the other hand, the church has long been an institution in African American society and homosexuality not seen positively in most of the churchs. Although the Newark Episcopal diocese has been quite inclusive, interviewed a gay minister for a Bishop vacancy. At the same time, in Newark, I worked as a social worker in America's second largest HIV in-patient hospital program and witnessed the often homoignorance by staff, families, and the community, even in this first 2000 decade! There still is the stigma and shame about HIV. So, gay, lesbian, trans...... Well, Obama has always mentioned gays in his speechs!

I am not proud to see that gay identified voters were 27% for McCain, 7% less than for Kerry. Ugh. So many black/white/Latino gays supported Clinton and that may have been the revenge. I dunno why the no on 8 organizers did not involved Clinton to do some ads. Most importantly, the racial stratification in gay worlds is an issue to address. One sees it on Christopher Street everyday. All in all, much work to be done and I know President elect Obama will bridge and educate as he can.

I feel optimistic for once in my life about national politics. I admire President elect Obama's style and ideas. I have faith in his concerns about building bridges between communities for a shared better future. I really like his supporters. I am really excited by what our society may produce!
peace, hugs, compassion