love is the answer

loving the masterpiece song by Byron Stingily 

thoughts on how research happens

Paradigm and paradigm change are integral in research. In my Methods of Research bibliography is an Open Society Institute video on their drug policy advocacy around the world. 

http://www.opensocietyfoundations.org/voices/what-world-can-learn-switzerlands-drug-policy-shift

As ever one's  personal experience is just that, one's personal experience.  Most of my interest in drug policy has been in terms of clinical social work since 1982 with clients having substance abuse concerns. Caregiving as presented in the work of Ann Burack-Weiss has so informed my practice. I routinely refer to mindfulness as per Buddhist thought.

Policy is another lens. In my experience, luck has had it that I have known several drug policy advocates who are also tied to the Open Society. The first is a Swiss legislator who I visited in Zurich in the early 1990s and was then involved in the work presented in the Open Society video. I also observed the experiment to allow drug use in a Zurich park. My trips were in the time of my doctoral study in cross-national social policy, and I visited social work programs in Berlin and Rotterdam. 

Secondly, I have known the strategic planner for Open Society programs throughout the world and heard about initiatives since the 1990s. Third, I have done recent consulting with a drug policy organizer in San Francisco whose program is funded by the Open Society.

The work of these advocates as well as my lens as a social worker qua researcher are examples of how research can and does happen, and is utilized. The Zurich project initiated as action research  for real life social welfare activity and is presented as a case study video (case study is a method of intense focus on a case, group, community,  program or policy).  My friend at Open Society has put together resources around the world about drug policy, i.e, meta=research. The San Francisco activity is  case study and action research: the process of needs assessment and implementing solutions with real time evaluation feedback.

Thinking from the lens of Kuhn, paradigm shifts. Drug policy is changing as data analysis shows best practices from real life activity. There are many ways of knowing. 

dating age, "not fat enough",,,

love happens between men of varying ages everyday. love happens at any age! thoughts of a couple of guys in their 50s now celebrating a year together! another couple, met in their 40s, now having their 15th year! Mazel tov!!!!

As a college professor (research, psychiatric content), Columbia U alum/teaching, 54 years old, and as a NYC/NJ denizen, I run into younger men everyday. it is interesting to realize the crushes younger men have on me as I am easy to confide in. My issue with younger men is that it is all too easy to manipulate the seductiveness. There is a power differential that I don't exploit, so I do not get involved with men much younger than 30 years (of course there could be one in 10 million...). Anyhow, 20 somethings always zone out... poor things having to deal with creating an adult identity! There is also the generational zeitgeist... I was definitely part of mine!

Photo of one of my grandfather buddies! Salut to grandfathers!!!

My whole issue now is how to respond to men in their 70s who routinely send me shouts online! Younger men are a breeze to deal with but as we live longer ... dating men in their 70s? I look to see life views (no republicans of course), some geographic nogos.. I have no interest in Florida, Georgia, Texas...too republican and HUMID! I look for a joy of life! Some of the sexiest men I have chatted with online are studs in their late 60s!

all of these age issues are in constant flux of course. All of a sudden, I am over 50 which is in itself a whole other lens changer. Being over 50 years, I feel I have achieved longevity and not too concerned with so many of the usual stuff younger men are caught up in. I wear what I want, express my thoughts with a historical and intellectual certainty just from the experiential awareness of how society has changed. I may use a cane at times, but i was a go-go boy, never had to wait in line to get into a club, had radio shows, had my black chaps/white 501 attire that made me fierce! I have had an adult identity for 30 years! There is a whole gap that I feel ultimately with guys 20 or 30 years younger than me. I dont have that for men older than me. I generally find most of the men I like older than me are in long term relationships and I am ultimately not interested in just a casual sex thing.

I have been in love but i am also a survivor of the AIDS plague. Everyone of my buddies from the 1970s and most of my contemporaries from the 1980s died before the advent of the new meds in the 1990s. So I am just amazed that I am HIV negative and living with the memories of over 3000 buddies. My favorite men all died. I have never been entirely single, having a partner or then a regular date(s) my entire adult life.

I am a NYC flaneur so I dont stay home with a pet, my tv is broken, and I like being out of the house to socialize. I have always been involved in what's up at the time. In the 1970s, I was in NY, SF, Provincetown, a gogo boy (background dancer in jeans on a cable show) and part of the whole gay revolution. Into the 1980s, I was a Saint/Garage/Palladium club goer; then spent most of my free time in Berlin, Amsterdam, Zurich and Paris as I had the friends to visit and money to travel often. in the 1990s, I was so involved in NYC life... working with the homeless, people with AIDS; and in my personal life, somedays up to 15 men would phone me in a day to hang. There are so many men but I have been content (sometimes to my detriment) to be fairly serial monogamous. It is in the last few years time to mostly teach/read/think. the realization that there is always another man (in the elevator, around the corner...) when I hear "too old" "or too young" or "not Black" or "not enough money for me", or "not fat enough". And that is what I generally tell men of every age, color, size who complain about rejection.

I am alive, engaged, and enjoying life's adventures! My favorite friends who changed our universe are all dead, young. Young men have a seductiveness but I have seen thousands burn out, go Republican, get wierd. These days I am beyond thrilled that we have a President Obama who has already given gays a lot! If I was 10 years younger I would be applying for a White House job (I did apply to the Clinton White House). So, if someone doesnt want to know about me.. who cares! I have a life is my mantra! Loving the challenges as I do get older and my perspectives change about dating, age, life!

hugs, peace, compassion

la vie, Avril 2009

2 folks asked "what do you do allday?"
lol

Getting ready to thankfully just swim at the local pool in less than 90 days!

i teach 2 or 3 courses each semester. They are intense but I love them! It is a blessing to have these classes whatwith the discourse, the essays, their projects to review! Scanned the 1972 Third Year of Women's Liberation" in relation to my family ethics course.

But, I have other skills so I have been looking for a day job but I get stuck as I have only recently progressed since I was poisoned by a bed bug invasion in my apartment (2007). I was last in the hospital for a week in December. I still walk with my cane. It is not as difficult to walk now!

As a social worker, I finally burned out in 2005 from 10 years of working with homeless mentally ill women, then with lesbian/gay high school students, then with HIV patients inhospital ... the NJ years were mostly an affront as I really had had little experience with the corruption, discriminations and indifference so rampant in systems of great stress. There were many really great times but mostly lots of stress, endless work, and then all of the deaths with the AIDS patients. Unlike NYC, I had no supervision, I had more training and expertise than my supervisors. Endless work, do my life, back to work... As someone who teachs research, I am well aware of the indifference of many "professionals" to the knowledge base in our discipline. Emotionally beyond exhaustion, but intellectually fascinating. I have so much depth and breadth from my experiences to share with the students. They drive my idea to write as they love my storytelling.... plus I get to read so many essays and project reports each semester!

400 pages to these memoirs but unhappy with my voice. I write for my own memory.... (a long ago buddy Arthur Levine.. publisher of the Harry Potter series... told me to stop bothering him with my stories! Oh well). I wondered if a colleague who works for George Soros had ideas.. (she just left for her yearly meetings in Sao Paolo, then Nairobi, then Istanbul!) Whoa.. I should be there.. I could swim..... Anyhow, I asked for a job in Mongolia... I dont think she understood the irony as Soros does fund programs in Mongolia. She seemed confused when I then said I was only joking! I actually do like Mongolia as well as Wyoming. I talk about a job in Wyoming with a high school buddy back in Colorado, Randy. The tall urban towers exchanged for the vast expanse! Anyhow, I have also had time to do art projects, photographs. My first degree was in art.. I had a photo account at Citibank. I also followed up with long ago Citibank buddies. I was able to network! Soon, different social work projects started coming in to me.... and then...

In late 2006, my Mom suddenly died. I helped with the State memorial for her. She was thanked for helping those with psychiatric issues. Then dividing up her house... I inherited some money. Reestablishing relationships with siblings I rarely saw before her death. I was feeling physically good and planned to travel, visit friends in Zurich, Berlin, London, Rotterdam and the cote d'azure again. (I use to go to Europe every Easter time). I was poisoned by the renovations in my apartment after bed bug invasions! i walk with my cane as my lungs collapse although I am getting better. I was last in the hospital in December.

So, I am looking for a new day job.. although have to organize my job hunt.. Lots of social work jobs as with the Veterans Admin but I dunno if I can sit all day with the amputees and the psychiatric issues. I cannot do everything anymore! I was up for a job at the VA when my Mom died in 2006. I am also always up for different UN consulting jobs but I keep forgetting to send my CV in time.. they usually post with a 1 or 2 day cutoff. (my doctoral study was at Columbia School of International and Public Affairs).

As usual, I know a lot of people so I get advocacy alerts. Generally press and letter writing. From 1982 to 1992, I did community organizing, then corporate social affairs. In 1983, I was doing 3 radio shows, gave over 250 press interviews, a legislative hearing, advocacy events! From 1986 to 1992, lots of community events, but also the ability to fund local community groups, participate in nonprofit startups, buy tickets to fundraisers. I always have passion about ideas!

Yesterday, I called the White House. Today, phoned various legislators, then trade associations. Advocated on mental health issues, for gay marriage (although I dont know anyone who has even been to one), discussed the new Haitian economic opportunity policy implementations (to create a garment industry). I started fishing to see if others want to have a festschrift for a friend who has done so much community work in NYC/NJ. I always help fundraise for her charity dinners. Lastly, I was advocating for Michelle Obama to come to the NY Council of Fashion Designers' dinner in June! That would be a coup.. Also thought about.... Michelle Obama in DvF at the Franklin and Eleanor Roosevelt Memorial Park with the UN backdrop! Wow! I love Michelle Obama! I also love Eleanor Roosevelt!!!

anyhow.. always much to do in life! My Mom had 9 children, 5 grandchildren, a house, a (ex)husband, a job, and then listened to people with mental illness everday! the folks most of us run away from! Most of all, I am lucky to have had time to seriously teach, work on projects, see the world in different ways!

hugs, peace, compassion

finalmente Spring!!!

Salut to the new Spring! Me amo la primavera! Heute, the first full dag!
woke up tooo late for the snow shower in the NYC area ayer, but the pandemonium was going on all day! such a cold winter hier!
but later in the day het weer was prima!

my sister in Boston mailed me more green tea.. love it! organized photos and drawings from the past 50 years (and those of my Mom) today. drawings in with photos.. so I separated them at least. Found my really cool Rotterdam poster Vecht voor Vriendschaap! which I thought was stolen when my apartment was painted as it was lost for 2 years until today! thank the universe!
Posted the drawing that I made of my sister in Aout 1977! Emailed it to her today with my big thanks!

just mailed her articles from old 3PennyReview issues. Sent her an article on Bolano and on Nathalie Sarraute.. she will appreciate those articles. Love 3PennyReview but cannot keep all the copies. Also have NYReview of Books, Book Forum, ArtForum, SocialWork.... thankfully there are libraries!

cleaning up the apartment as the State does their every 5 year inspection this week. Just clean up a bit. LOL, my neighbor with psychosis saw me today.. walked by me, grunted, called me "white trash", tossed a piece of paper high in the air at me. It happened so fast and I called out "hey" but then caught myself and added .. "you dropped something".. but otherwise ignored as she goes off in a psychotic rant. Sadly, her meds must be low, or she is drinking and drugging again thus washing out the meds. Dunno if she has a new gun (the others were confiscated last year). She is on parole from throwing acid at another neighbor, so I keep a distance as I have no time for courts, the police, the hospital.. just the sadness of psychosis in people. In her mind, I will always be some wierd object... along with so many others. I feel for her Mother in Brooklyn as she begs people to help her daughter (of course with this person's obsessions I am sure the Mom's neighbors organized to keep her out of their neighborhood!) A sad life albeit dangerous for her and others. but, every April she acts out with me, so another harbinger of the Spring! lol, oh well!

lots of nice tea, good chats with others, finishing my organizing photos/drawings project!

hugs, peace, compassion