Happy Birthday to me! Yeah! Hurrah!

Reading a prior post of mine this 2013 birthday. Family relationships and concerns have become so forefront. Visits and time with Dad these past two years.  His situation is so changed now; he has a full time caregiver. A brother and I last visited him three weeks ago. Since 2011,  a sister visited Dad almost daily but she died a year ago. The sweep of time is fast and final. Phoned Dad today, he was sleeping but had a good weekend road trip to the Catskills, per his caregiver. Remembering that this is the feast day of the Guardian Angels.

Happy Birthday to me!

"The highlight of my 2011 birthday is probably my phone convo with Dad (who will be age 85 in December)! Talking, I thought whoa I have a whole lifetime until I reach his age. I have my history, his, as well as ideas on the future! Dad and I chatted about him being my age today! He was thinking of retirement and of course living with his wife, my Mom. He has survived her almost 5 years now! He is alert, asked me good questions, sounds great!

A sister cellphoned me from their lunch on her visit to him in rural NJ. thank you! I am grateful to the universe to hear Dad tell me he loves me, the first of his nine children. Photo of him holding me some 50something years ago!" 2 October 2011

50something jahre birthday 2 October 2012

The highlight of my 2011 birthday is probably my phone convo with Dad (who will be age 85 in December)! Talking, I thought whoa I have a whole lifetime until I reach his age. I have my history, his, as well as ideas on the future! Dad and I chatted about him being my age today! He was thinking of retirement and of course living with his wife, my Mom. He has survived her almost 5 years now! He is alert, asked me good questions, sounds great!

A sister cellphoned me from their lunch on her visit to him in rural NJ. thank you! I am grateful to the universe to hear Dad tell me he loves me, the first of his nine children. Photo of him holding me some 50something years ago!

sledding day

view from my window to Branch Brook Park and I-280 this afternoon. Not the foot of snow, maybe 4.5 inches. Schools, state offices closed. Lots of car accidents in this weather thus the closings. However, NYC schools were closed which is a rarity. NJ schools close at the drop of a flurry!

The closings also brought about the NY bus seems arriving earlier. The postlady came earlier! My sister in Boston mailed me blueberry/green tea as well as a bar of chocolat... perfect! My minimart ran out of bread at 1:30 from all in the building ordering sandwiches.

I got my wish.. a March snowstorm.. this Sunday comes daily savings time... in 3 weeks, Spring Equinox!

peace, hugs, compassion

Thanks Santa! December 25, 2008

happy for a good Christmas! the epiphany of being in the middle of 34th St at Herald Square on Tuesday, the 23rd. Tears of joy that I was alive and back in the mix! Remembering Aout 1977, Little America Wyoming and being in the middle of the continent and feeling part of the universe. December 2008 being in the midst of the megalopolis and feeling just one with the universe and able to help make sense of it all. My student presentations were good. Many hugs and lots of chocolate and cookies.. whew.. havent had such sugar rushes in years!

endless chats and all of the endless reconnects done each holiday season! Wow!
shouts to my siblings who are with my sister in the country. She has multiple health issues and is out of control in her neediness these days.  I send encouraging messages although I keep it real. The demons we have in us, the Jungian shadow. Om mani padma hung.

So, for Christmas, I think of how to be kind to the lonely. We all face the existential fate of being alone in the world.. but about those who are alone due to mental illness or substance abuse or fate. I am fortunate to have been greatly loved when I was young and to have had the love, trust, support of thousands of people in my life. I may be alone at times but I never feel alone in the universe. I have my memories or my real connections or just the realization that loneliness is just a feeling and feelings change. Most of all though, I have always had my spiritual sense of being with the angels. LOL, I hope not the flakiness but being born on the Feast of the Guardian Angels and named for an archangel. Anyhow, I have great faith that my angels will never allow me to fall to the ground, or at least they will pick me up!

This year has been a struggle as I have used that damn cane and often feel I should just fall to the ground when I am in a lot of pain. I think of songs like Cold Play "vida" or Darlene Lee and the E Street Band, or Bruce Springsteen, or Sylvester, or "havent stopped dancing yet" and try to shuffle a bit to imaginery music.  My feeling of bliss, alive in the middle of 34th street, 2 days pre Christmas, gave me the epiphany to just cry for joy! Most of all, I remember the Helen Keller saying about when she feels alone or damaged or angry, she goes to New York City to experience our great waves of humanity!

so, the magic of Christmas hit me again. The spectacle, the gathering together of loved ones, the sparks of the universe, and more than anything... my delight to appreciate the lives and processes of so many other human beings in my life.

big hugs, peace. love. compassion

Gershom Scholem Kabbalah illustration