Tuesday, April 14, 2009

dating age, "not fat enough",,,

love happens between men of varying ages everyday. love happens at any age! thoughts of a couple of guys in their 50s now celebrating a year together! another couple, met in their 40s, now having their 15th year! Mazel tov!!!!

As a college professor (research, psychiatric content), Columbia U alum/teaching, 54 years old, and as a NYC/NJ denizen, I run into younger men everyday. it is interesting to realize the crushes younger men have on me as I am easy to confide in. My issue with younger men is that it is all too easy to manipulate the seductiveness. There is a power differential that I don't exploit, so I do not get involved with men much younger than 30 years (of course there could be one in 10 million...). Anyhow, 20 somethings always zone out... poor things having to deal with creating an adult identity! There is also the generational zeitgeist... I was definitely part of mine!

Photo of one of my grandfather buddies! Salut to grandfathers!!!

My whole issue now is how to respond to men in their 70s who routinely send me shouts online! Younger men are a breeze to deal with but as we live longer ... dating men in their 70s? I look to see life views (no republicans of course), some geographic nogos.. I have no interest in Florida, Georgia, Texas...too republican and HUMID! I look for a joy of life! Some of the sexiest men I have chatted with online are studs in their late 60s!

all of these age issues are in constant flux of course. All of a sudden, I am over 50 which is in itself a whole other lens changer. Being over 50 years, I feel I have achieved longevity and not too concerned with so many of the usual stuff younger men are caught up in. I wear what I want, express my thoughts with a historical and intellectual certainty just from the experiential awareness of how society has changed. I may use a cane at times, but i was a go-go boy, never had to wait in line to get into a club, had radio shows, had my black chaps/white 501 attire that made me fierce! I have had an adult identity for 30 years! There is a whole gap that I feel ultimately with guys 20 or 30 years younger than me. I dont have that for men older than me. I generally find most of the men I like older than me are in long term relationships and I am ultimately not interested in just a casual sex thing.

I have been in love but i am also a survivor of the AIDS plague. Everyone of my buddies from the 1970s and most of my contemporaries from the 1980s died before the advent of the new meds in the 1990s. So I am just amazed that I am HIV negative and living with the memories of over 3000 buddies. My favorite men all died. I have never been entirely single, having a partner or then a regular date(s) my entire adult life.

I am a NYC flaneur so I dont stay home with a pet, my tv is broken, and I like being out of the house to socialize. I have always been involved in what's up at the time. In the 1970s, I was in NY, SF, Provincetown, a gogo boy (background dancer in jeans on a cable show) and part of the whole gay revolution. Into the 1980s, I was a Saint/Garage/Palladium club goer; then spent most of my free time in Berlin, Amsterdam, Zurich and Paris as I had the friends to visit and money to travel often. in the 1990s, I was so involved in NYC life... working with the homeless, people with AIDS; and in my personal life, somedays up to 15 men would phone me in a day to hang. There are so many men but I have been content (sometimes to my detriment) to be fairly serial monogamous. It is in the last few years time to mostly teach/read/think. the realization that there is always another man (in the elevator, around the corner...) when I hear "too old" "or too young" or "not Black" or "not enough money for me", or "not fat enough". And that is what I generally tell men of every age, color, size who complain about rejection.

I am alive, engaged, and enjoying life's adventures! My favorite friends who changed our universe are all dead, young. Young men have a seductiveness but I have seen thousands burn out, go Republican, get wierd. These days I am beyond thrilled that we have a President Obama who has already given gays a lot! If I was 10 years younger I would be applying for a White House job (I did apply to the Clinton White House). So, if someone doesnt want to know about me.. who cares! I have a life is my mantra! Loving the challenges as I do get older and my perspectives change about dating, age, life!

hugs, peace, compassion

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